Webs

I’m feeling tangled

Sad and angry

Confused

When did he turn into someone I don’t know?

I try to look at myself

How is this a message?

What needs to heal?

No, this is about him

What does he need to learn?

What meaning is he making?

Every thread I follow

Connects to another

There is no way to untangle this mess

We are connected yet separate

I want to believe him

I want to trust him

He is so good with words

He gets that from me

When did I lose him?

When did he start lying?

Why didn’t I notice?

Is it too late to trust?

Is it too late to know him?

Will I like who he is?

Is he kind, considerate, loving?

Does he follow through on what he says?

Not right now, No

I think he must be tangled in his own web

I think he must be trying to

Figure out a way through too

Life is not easy

Raising a teen is not easy

There is so much at stake

They are so vulnerable

Yet they are so fearless

It really is up to me to love and accept

Who he is?

Even when I don’t like it?

It is up to me to see past his mistakes

To the little boy

I’ve raised all these years

This tangled web is so knotted in places

With blame, shame and guilt

No wonder it feels so strong

It’s generations of wounding

It’s my lifetime of mistakes trying to correct themselves

So his lifetime can be better

How do I own my part?

And let the rest go

How do I let him make his own mistakes

Without shaming or guilting him

How do I love him unconditionally without getting hurt?

It feels impossible

These tangled webs

I keep searching for the answers

The one that will tell me what to do

The one that will free us both from pain

It doesn’t seem to exist

Life is full of both joy and pain

Questions without answers

We will remain a tangled web

Because I bore him

And he bore me

Without him I would not be who I am

Without me he would not be who he is

Good or bad

Happy or sad

We are forever

Tangled together

Me and my son

By, Robin White-Diamondstone 5.28.14

Refilling Your Well

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